chermaine_cf

It really hurts to see.

To see Closest kin is suffering right in front of me n I can do nth to lessen the suffering.

Just stood there watching.

Helplessly.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

It's cny day 2 and my fear for nth-gd-will-happen-during-festivals came knocking on my door. Right to my doorstep.

Supposed to hav a gambling session with cousins n frens. I made my cousins travelled all the way from jurong. And it's all Been cancelled.

Mom don't feel well since aftn. Her chest has been uncomfortable. She chose not to say it. Until when I called her in the evening. She said she feeling better after the emergency pill. I got more n more uneasy as I tink these might b a symptom for heart attack. I decided to bring her to hospital for a check. She was reluctant to go at 1st. Despite me n my sis calling her to persuade. Well, SMS her made wonders. She agreed n alr dressed up to hospital when my uncle n I came to fetch her.

Results seemed okay but a blood test was taken which results require at least 8 hours to Process.. So I decided to admit her to rest in ward for the night rather than staying up in A&E observation ward which is v noisy..

I left her there to wait as I was not allowed to stay by her side. I hope I can see her tmr. See her well n energetic.

I haven had my dinner. Thot of asking frens to eat but I realized I can't face them at all. I don't have the strength to act normal. I'm tired.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

Had a talk with st. Yeah.. No doubt she always gives me the most frank comments which I really appreciate.

I'm too attentive, caring/understanding and too easy available at their beck and call.

Giving them a chance to take me for granted without knowing.

Having a longer probation period of new frens is gd. Otherwise, I'll suffer instead. Gonna take things slow n easy. Drawing boundaries of the extent of efforts n 'goodness' I shld provide for new frens. If not, history will repeat itself.

Trying to b good ain't easy. Good for others but stress for me. Be it mentally or physically, it's draining me at times. I just need to adjust n fine tune myself slowly..

Perhaps I hav been too concerned abt u, until u think it's pressurizing. I'm sorry n I'll give u alot of space to breathe. I shall not bug on the fact that I'm getting out of ur life since things hav alr came to this stage. I'll jus b patient and hope time will fade out the stress I've once given u. If that's wad u wan, I'll oblige u.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

Was out the whole day by myself. Coloring my hair took up half of a day. Then I went to town to do my last min grabbing of cny clothes. Din meet up with anyone to shop cos it's an 'emergency' state when I haven bought any clothes for new year. I gotta b fast pace, grab n go without thinking or waiting for frens..

Surprisingly, I kinda like it this way. The "me myself n I" time. Then I realized its been really a long long time since I had this lone ranger in action.. I'm always packed with appointments n work. Basically no time being alone.. This time round No need to care n worry of other companions when I'm out, it's really v shiok! Doing things at my own pace;)
Ystd and today shall be it! My own personal time and space;))

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

Gonna color my hair ash brown. Hopefully can give me the aloof kind of feel.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

Din realized I was so self centred in the past. Doing things ignoring abt how others feel, rejecting ppl and hurt ppl without knowing how to wrap up in a tactful manner. Impatience, blunt, taking things for granted and not standing by frens were the past me.

I'm really glad I've become a more approachable person, improving all aspects of my characters n behaviours. Learning mistakes from my past experience, well I guess it's sth gd out from this.

Wrking once in a blue moon in other trade is good as well. Even though it's still working but more refresh n treating it as a holiday trip:) might b physically draining on me but I guess its a matter of adaption. Things r much simpler in this trade. I'll still part time in future even if i have gotten a full time job too.

I'm learning to ignore now, ignoring things which don't really need my persistence n r draining my energy. I'm learning to say no n reject unnecessary requests.

I'm learning to let go. Be it the past, or the present.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

Well actually friendships need to b maintained. Jus like cars n houses, need to spend time to maintain.

Prolly a diff between living n non-living things are non-living stuffs need money to maintain while living stuffs need mental contributions.

Maintaining friends like taking initiatives, tolerate, filtering sensitive words, spend time to hang out. Mostly are taxing mentally.

Well it depends on how high the level of maintenance for individuals.

Michelle dropped a v comforting n secure msg to me upon knowing my situation. I was really v touched, wad she said was practical n warm. This is when I realized that having frens like her, it's really my luck. I have no regrets. Then it occurred to me tt, wad I heard from mic, I had said it before to my frens. I din expected I wld provide such comfort to friends like this. Hopefully they felt the same way after hearing these from me. Comfort, secure and at ease.

In the middle of the nite, those tt responded to u almost immediately. U know tt they r under ur emergency contact list. U r safe with them. Its really v sweet of Hanlin to stayed up to accompany, chatting with me tru watsapp, making sure that I don't over tink or imagine wildly.. I din know she was on cough med. resisting the drowsiness effect of med to stay up with me. It feels really good to have friends tt dote n b there for me. I always Thot I'm the only one doing these.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.