I din know whether its bad being a too nice person when ppl can jus step over the line and onto ur head. thinking it positively, i'll say i m kinda approachable and friendly n ppl thinks i can take pranks. pyscho-ing myself to b an optimistic person. But sometimes we hav the tendency to think it negatively. pranks. Not everyone can take it. esp if they seem so minute but there could be hidden meanings behind it and even could indirectly leadin to some things else.

to my surprised. i felt nth and jus digested all of them into my tummy. 

i was rationale. not to turn the tables.n prevented bcoming enemies. even if i did all those stuffs mention, i'll still lose out eventually.
i understand their mindset, its harmless, i noe.

yet i chose to believe them. making sure i wont hav any regrets in future, jus in case.

*jus dont take mi for granted. no one is born to be the slaves of the others. no one deserves all these. get it? at least a thank you is basic courtesy.

how i wish to warn them not to follow my footsteps. but who cares abt them anyway? i'll jus an acquaintance in their lives onli.

well, all thanks to them. my guilty tots returned. they supposed to b buried or left untouched somewhere.
its regarding a bad experience tt happened in the past.

all started indirectly bcos of mi and my pranks. i was held partly responsible for wat the kind of life the person chose to live tdy. could it be beta if i din do the prank stuff?

god damn it!


anyway, its hard to face them and act like nth happened. a few more mths to sayonara!

i forgot abt having this blog

forgot abt how to enjoy

forgot abt how to hav fun till my heart feels it

forgot abt when was the last afternoon nap

forgot abt how a person can b insensitive

forgot abt waking up without having some scheduled appointments for the rest of the day

forgot abt obligations-free

forgot abt being young and cheerful

forgot abt wat is supposed to be written here....

是否曾经问过自己。。。

“ 如果。。。早知道我就。。。”
但一早就知道这个“如果”的话，结局会是我们所期盼的吗？


是否觉得有些所谓的“分享心事”。。。

其实往往都有所保留，难以开口。。。
尤其是对最亲，最熟的人

最惊讶的是。。。
面对着一面之缘的人，
反而自然而然表达了一切

可能是因为每个人有不同的"保护色"

当然，保护色
会在不同的场合和时间
不断的做出改变
甚至干涉你的单纯的想法，思考能力
开始怀疑自己是否已失去自我。。。

Been workin non-stop like a full timer recently n the onli thing tt keeps mi going is my end of the mth pay and of cos, in getting a transport of my own... a BM bike!! so i can cycle early in the mornin to swim or to go to nearby places like compass pt, hougang pt, hougang mall, blah blah... my bike's name is called as BM cos our childhood bicycles are BMX... wahahaZ>... not BMW~~

so initially i managed to get st to buy bike with mi... lidat can get more discount mah... but still she pulled out last min...hahaz... den i racky the shop downstairs a few days ago and the uncle told mi 90bucks n free us bells n chains if we purchased 2... so tdy i went down at noon n he told mi to come back at ard 4-5 pm cos he has new stocks coming in... but i started to boycott tt shop cos he said red color bikes only meant for gals n he din bring in the stocks... indirectly i sensed tt he is being baised against ladies!! slap him... n he alwaes ask mi to come another time making mi feel tt i m super desperate for his bike!! boliao!!

den i rem my cousin said blk 108 got sell bikes... so i took bus der... n its closed!! onli opens from 2pm onwards... argh... i was rushing my time home cos i meetin frens at 2pm... so i took cab home... n when i reached home... the outing is cancelled!!
argh!! this made mi even determine to get a bike by hook or by croo0k!! so after doing some research... i went back to 108... n the lady boss looks cool but when she smiles, she is friendly... hahaz... den i got a bike tt seems nice to mi...



the bike cost 90bucks n i managed to act innocent n the auntie finally gave in by givin mi the bell for free n i bought 2 chain locks at 10bucks! den there were 2 guys sevicing their bikes... whose bikes worth thousands... offered to help mi adjust all the bike's parts... all thanks to them... but they still called mi xiao mei mei... i bluffed to them i onli 21... wahahaz... den they seem like in their late 20s but they at almost late 30s... they are kinda funny and 1 looked like lao fu zi... wahahaz... they offered if i wan to join them to cycle back to hougang but i declined... i m jus a newbie n no way i m gg to cycle along the main road!! hahaZ... 



den its 'test-drive' time!!! i cycled from hougang ave 3 to the tampines rd n into the stretch with big long kang n den into ponggul park for a round inside n finally back home!! hahaZZ... so fun n relaxing but the sun abit hostile towards mi... hahaZ... din even use my ring at all!! jus followed the pedestrains slowly w/o havin the intention to over take them... i'm surprised by my patience... hahaz... but one suay thing was when i reached my void deck... the lift is SPOILT!!! WTH!!! den realised my bike is really solid... cos damn HEAVY!! hahaZ

duno wat i hav been thinking all along...

wasting my time away...

kcf! pls discard all ur wishful thinkings!!

god, just let mi live a fruitful life!!

its good at times to reflect on wat happened for the recent past whether or not it gonna do with mi or jus some incidents that were came across. working really widen ur horizon.

i'm not afraid of making mistakes but i m afraid of repeating my mistakes.

i'm afraid of criticising others unintentionally when i myself is of not any better.

i'll observe the mistakes of others which serve as a reminder for mi to perform better.

i'll tend to bcum overboard at times when i grow dizzy with little pathetic success.

i have encountered almost all sorts of people who appeared kind n yet dangerous.

i always believe modesty will begin paths while arrogance will be the end for everything.

tts me.


came to understand n experience wat is called REAL society life for the past few working years.  really take my hat off to those older den mi.
brain is such an amazing gift from god, which is able to store all sorts of stuff in it.
things doesnt always appear simple like they are on the surface, we hav to analyse using our good(wild) imaginations, and ultimately counter-move for sole interest, tt is self defence. the fastest to react and tackle, wins the game. sad to say but tt's undeniable fact of the dark side of life.

hav been trying very hard in putting up resistance against all these impurities tots, trying to force myself thinking tt not everyone does things will hidden motives. i can't trust anyone. including me.

why can't people co-exist in harmony without having inner demonic tots?
think i hav seen too much hk drama.

perhaps gg tru an almost food-free dieting plan, i spent my excess time n energy picking on my bad bad stuffs like temper, character, habits and behaviours.. so for now, i jus hate myself for all my bad points as well as how ppl can be despicable as well...

and of cos, i will improve n upgrade myself to a better person. in this period.

DAY 1

We met up 1st to play mj in st's hse in the afternoon, n i was the ultimate winner... does tt indicate tt i lucky enuff for the casino ltr?? hahaz... den we left for our cruise at 7pm... walked all the way to kovan mrt stat with a attracting attention sound... caused by beve... she brought a normal luggage bag with wheels!!
 we reached harbour front stat n ahead straight to vivo to grab some bites immediately cos we usually cant stand a little hunger at all!!

the queues were extremely long for both check in n boarding..... n mostly apnn... sian half~~
we split to queue for both... irene was with mi to check in n der was a old couple from phillipines in front of us... the uncle was funny n over friendly... he even made frens with the apnn infront of him... n intro us to them as well... tryin to knot us indirectly... my god!! i shld hav been more friendly with them hoping to intro mi one cos step has been pestering mi for a apnn... wahahaZ
 once we passed the boarding gate.... we have been 'go go go!!' all the way... rushed like mad jus to make our way back to the room with our obvious intention of snatching seats for buffet dinner in the chinese restaurant... hahaz


 my room... 5551

staying in the room in less than 10mins, we dashed straight to the meal... but chui lor... the meal was so simple n more suitable for breakfast...

its porridge with salted eggs... normal onion eggs n vege...

after eating...we explored ard... n the ktv area was changed.. it became roulette slots machines... while combining ktv with their disco section... den we lied on the benches on the uper deck to enjoy the breeze while i played my hp songs... got the urge to play jai ho while some apnn passed by... wahahaz

and next entertainment was casino time!! its my 2nd time in der n 1st time played table gtames... our 'gambling' session was led by beverley ong!! hahaz... we were so lame cos we watched tv in our cabin b4 we headed for casino... its a channel to teach us how to play table games... beve was so engrossed in the tutorial... hahaz... at ard 12plus, we stepped into the OASIS... we were circling the tables like a shark circled her target... the minimum bet was 10bucks... quite high bet... but those in the VIP room were even more higher... in hundreds.... so we started off by playin tai sai, dice game to bet on BIG or SMALL.. it was kinda paisei to change 50bucks worth of chips from the banker cos most ppl they will change at least 100... some in a thousand... hahaz... i was like a kid in the casino... the 'adults' were so old bird style n they really played in big amt cos some can easily place 50bucks per game....they were really betting fiercely in their game...  i won a little at 1st but my luck changed drastically after one apnn followed watever i bet, he was really bring shit to mi... i onli left with 20 n i stopped playing, hopin him to lost everything n left w/o bothering mi... hahaz... n true enuff. he lost n left shortly... woohoo!! but the shit he brought to mi was stucked with mi for the whole nite!!! i lost my 50 in tt game... hahaz... den i proceeded to the jackpot area, played for 10bucks n my luck was not bad with jackpot... won 10plus but due to my persistence to the game... i stopped onli when i lost the whole thing... wahahaz... den i saw another game: casino war... quite fun, hav to compete with the banker see who holds the higher card. at 1st was quite smooth sailing to mi... but the auntie beside mi, broke my 'formation' by placing double bets n casued mi to suay till the pit... i lost 50 in less than 10mins... the adult world was full of xin ji!!! hahaz... so in total i lost hundred odd... tt irene really like a baby in the casino world... onli played jackpot n lost 20onli... threw face! hahaz...

we left the place at 5am... n slpt for abt 2-3 hrs den went for breakfast... but i din really slp cos i was on the upper deck... i was awake sub consciously cos i scared i might roll down... another thing was, i was the nearest to the aircond... so freezin at times... n as usually B snored b4 i could get to slp... wahahaZ i m short of beer...

day 2 to b continued..............

perhaps its my own subjective biased.... but i really cant stand them!!!

when i was mugging till losing my own self, that small little always-think-she-is-the-center-of-attractions APNN... kept shouting AH YI or sth similar... for nth!! damn stupid... she will always make her appearance in terms of the scentific fact tt sound travels faster... nv failed to shout while passing our corridor... interrupting my revision...  i was like havin a strong urge to dash out n place both of my hands on her neck to place a 'gentle' squeeze on it!!

the mystery remains cos i din even noe if its a HE or SHE... i din see that kid face to face n neither do i was to see tt whole family!!!!!!

and tdy.... when i was takin lift... another primary sch kid of tt clan shared with mi... he was living on the 3rd floor... i was listening to my songs... n jus happened to come into eye contact with him...  n i glanced elsewhere like normal but when looked back to him again after realising he has been lookin at mi all along!! n as we exchanged our eye contact for the sec time... he will like smilling at mi!! i duno wat to react!! 1st instant was to diao him back but luckily i hold it back cos der's another auntie in the lift behind us... must maintain some kind of image... so i smiled back awkwardly n forcefully... with my mind full of images of kungfu panda tt is fully black with 2 prominent white eyeballs!! hahaz...

went to attend qiao ping's father funeral ystd... think we r reaching a stage in life where we start to experience stuffs like happy occasions such as ur frens wedding n also sad to say tt its unavoidable to attend funerals of fren's family members... this ain't a nice feeling... i used to hav this kind of tots when wat will i do if my closest kin is out of my life for eternity... this feeling is even stronger after i went for the funeral...  havent seen her for ages but she appeared strong den i imagined...

think i have been a planner or rather a person who would place myself in all sort of positions tt one would encounter in future...

yes, i put my 'shoes' in all sorts of scenarios... 

how would i cope if my love ones....(tts y i really appreciate their existence)
wat would i b doin when i m old enuff waiting to hand over my ic to replace the death cert... n esp when my frens leave mi one by one...
wat would i b experiencing when i m dying n tryin to catch my last breath... izit gg to b tough?

there was once i was 'dead' in my dreams... the feeling was real n vivid... for some reasons, i was shot.... n i was lying on the floor... my breathing slowed down... very slowly.... getting peaceful n relax.. n eventually my vision was in darkness....

my fear for the last two paper...

its reaching.... n i m still slackin away...

think i m losing my own perfectionist character bit by bit each time i take exams...

used to get super nervous, kan qiong, paranoid abt takin paper...

now... think its numb... onli will experience the symptoms onli the day b4... hahaz...

dont bother to check my ans are correct after each paper ends...

cos all i wana do is to finish each paper asap! once over, its none of my business!! wAhaha


Miss my ADG gals!! been a super long time to gossip le...  ;)
Miss our cosy get together session
we shall hang ard in one of our hse till morning
Swimming... steam spa... or even watch movies in my room aso can!!
Lao Po men: one sad news cos i'm gg to downgrade my queen size bed to super single le!! so u gals hav lesser area to 'nua' on my bed when u come to my hse... hahaz...

cant wait to announce my freedom to the rest of the world!!

14more days... a rollercoaster ride tt could bring someone up n down mentally n physically...

the side effects:
lost of freedom including lost touch with the rest of the world
a tranformation of a human to a potato
pimples were cultivated in the whole face trying to declare its ownership rights to mi
hair falling(i hav to admit its the worst ever encountered)
loss of slp or rather lack of quality and quantity of slp
short term memory( wat i studied tis min could b drained from my brain as fast as it entered)

the encouraging effects:
none but getting the piece of paper(cert) which it the source of the shitty experience
14more days to my day of release of confinement!!

so to conclude:
short run: side effects > encouraging effects
but
long run: side effects < encouraging effects

oh crap... jus tryin to tok crap over here to procrastinate my revision!
I LOVE CRAPS & CRABS!!!

exams are really near, preparation was done so-so... perhaps due to older age, my brain network seems to be aging n deteriorating as well.
sometimes in the midst of revision this question might pop out from nowhere: why m i doin this? for wat? hahaz... or i think i m more science-inclined rather den biz related stuffs... i'm initially a science student n i yet chose my path to b alittle more challenging by switching to something with all the new terms n concept... wahhaa... i think i jus deserve the karma tt i have sowed... hahaz
but its all too late now, could not undo the stuffs except for putting my best effort into this decision i have made.

regarding effort wise, been cooping at home for a long time n revising but revision seems not productive n efficient... deep inside i noe tt i noe the stuff but perhaps i m seriously losing of my confidence, things doesnt seem optimistic... really hav to find my confidence back b4 the exams or else its too late...
but 1 good new is things are picking up...

been counting down to the days to exams... tt create a dilema; really hope to end it eariler but on the other hand, i m still not prepared..

Quotation from macroecons by Romer:

nv know how much i long for them....

onli did i manage to tink about it while confining at home....

I WISH TO.....

1. prawning
2. bowling
3. badminton
4. swimming
5. BBQ-ing
6. Waraku-ing
7. Mahjong-ing
8. Travel Abroad
9. Gossiping with frenzzzz!!
10. clubbing (someone will be surprised!haha)
11. Check out tampines 1


MY FOOD LISTs(hoping some kind souls will throw these into my hse)

1. Koi's bubble tea
2. Gelare's waffle ice cream
3. Pizza
4. Sushi
5. AMK durian puffs
6. Smelly beancurds
7. Vivo's dou sa bing
8. Subway
9. Sharkfins (i noe its alittle too demanding... hahaz)
10. Hazelnuts related stuffs (chocolates,cakes and drinks etc...)
11. Tori-Q Bento set



MY CRAVINGS has been increasing non-stop everyday!!

** calling for kind hearted beneficents!!!
its UR small efforts that makes one's dreams come true!! haahaaz...

Love Story (Country Radio Edit) - Taylor Swift

We were both young when I first saw you.
I close my eyes and the flashback starts:
I'm standing there on a balcony in summer air.

See the lights, see the party, the ball gowns.
See you make your way through the crowd
and say hello;

Little did I know
That you were Romeo; you were throwing pebbles,
And my daddy said, "Stay away from Juliet."
And I was crying on the staircase,
begging you, 'Please, don't go.'

And I said,
"Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone.
I'll be waiting; all there's left to do is run.
You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess
It's a love story - baby just say 'Yes.'

So I sneak out to the garden to see you.
We keep quiet 'cause we're dead if they knew.
So close your eyes; escape this town for a little while.

'Cause you were Romeo, I was a scarlet letter,
And my daddy said "Stay away from Juliet,"
But you were everything to me; I was begging you, 'Please, don't go,'

And I said,
"Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone.
I'll be waiting; all there's left to do is run.
You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess
It's a love story - baby just say 'Yes.'

Romeo save me; they're tryin' to tell me how to feel.
This love is difficult, but it's real.
Don't be afraid; we'll make it out of this mess.
It's a love story - baby just say 'Yes.'

I got tired of waiting,
Wondering if you were ever comin' around.
My faith in you was fading
When I met you on the outskirts of town.

And I said,
"Romeo save me - I've been feeling so alone.
I keep waiting for you but you never come.
Is this in my head? I don't know what to think-"
He knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring and said,
"Marry me, Juliet. you'll never have to be alone.
I love you and that's all I really know.
I talked to your dad, go pick out a white dress;
It's a love story - baby just say 'Yes.'

Oh, oh.

We were both young when I first saw you...

i m havin a super bloated tummy n the amt of food accumulated up to the brim in my stomach, as if at any moment if i jus let out a tiny whiny blurb... i will vomit them all out... hahaz

guess its the 'pre-exams' sydrome... hahaz... basically i put everything into my mouth as long as they are edible whilst studyin cos the more i tried to memorise, the more distracted my mind, mouth... gobbles up everything in a flash,way beyond my limits, b4 the signal reaches my brain to say 'i m full'...

and i m REALLY full now...

and now its the karma of eating 1 bread, 1 big packet of maggie mee, porridge, root beer, 1 pkt of biscuit, 1/2 big bao, 1/2 kebab, 1 toufu within 7hours...

now i can almost understand why pregnant mothers movements are so clusmy and slow... i can really experience a ball in me... hahaz...

help... i need to stitch up my mouth!!

how i wish our lives can pass in a super turbo speed when u can reach ur retirement phase jus within 2hrs!! hahaz... tts the game i've played ystd... wat i've concluded was... the game of life boils down to luck eventually... see how luck can twist and turn ur life into either a torturous or a smooth sailing one... hahaz... we had a mini gathering over ax hse to kinda let hanlin experienced the mini celebration for her bdae... hahaz... its a steamboat session since this yr cny we missed it...
everything was fun n cosy... got a nice company, atmosphere and board gaming... hahaz... gossiped a little as well... haha... teased each other in the midst of playin games... hahaz... wat i observed during the game:

ax was jus plainly suay after switching job after job...
hanlin and bernard were playing the game with lots of efforts(xin ji zhong!!) like hiding all their assets...
judy had a great time catching ppl with no. 10 and collecting money!
stephanie enjoyed herself as an entertainer and gave birth to lots of children
jerome enjoyed being the host or rather the corrupted banker tt is willing to pay u 10fold if everyone takes part in the 'spin the wheel'...
mi?? a single mom with quite alot of kids from nowhere... hahaz... when i even cant find my husband?? hahaz...
of cos, we got to b more vigilant towards PAY DAY... after some forfeit of our salaries... hahaz... we were trained by mr jerome... hahaz...

at the end of the game, hanlin had bought some stick on tattoo... the pic were so chui... with tiger phoenix and even a chang er lady!! hahaz... its meant for our forfeits... 3 losers... they were hanlin(kena herself), judy and ax... hahaz... the processof sticking were uploaded in fb... hahaz..

trying to meditate spiritually but realised tt i hav no time for that... hahaz

exams are near... in may... seems far but actually its short cos alot of studying needs to b done... guess i hav been slackin n working for the pass few mths till i totally lost at my studies... now trying to catch back the lost time... hahaz...

so wat i hav been doin recently.... to 'cultivate' my mind into studying mode and to leading a healthy and yet-not-so-healthy lifestyle... hmmm... sounds chim rite??

<<<how to lead a healthy lifestyle>>>

waking up early in the morning its a must!!

so i slpt at 1am and wake up at 8am plus everyday when i'm at home...  its a challenge to mi cos i usually slpt till 12noon... how i wish i could turn back time~~ But anyways, i jus realised tt there is such thing called alarm clock!! hahaZ


<<<how to lead healthy and yet-not-so-healthy life style>>>

after waking up... my routine for the day would b breakfast + study + lunch + study + snacks + study + teabreak + watching tv + study +dinner +study + slp + next day same routine!!

judging from the level of the snacking and no.of meals per day...
u shld b able to see how stress m i... and again... how i wish if i belongs to the group when they lost their appetite whenever they are stressful... wahahaz...

besides... i m seriously transforming into a potato... cos from the routine i had... i spent more than 20 hours per day without my butt liftting off my seats or bed!! sounds crazy but its true!! wahahaz...

cant stop picturing myself look like moses lim when i stepped out from my hse in future... its so hilarious!! ok... i'm getting crazy watsoever... wahahaz...

morning has been a nice weather. raining. cooling.

macro exams tdy.

dont hav a slightest confidence at all cos not finished memorizing.

woke up at 7.30am. cos exams at 10am.

9.50am- irene not insight. call her. she at home.

damn it. (1st blunder)

mistook the time. actual exams at 2.15PM.-5.15pm. almost went in for other module exam.

no. of hours to kill: 4 bloody loner hours + cooling weather

regret: shld overslpt more.

'hang' in library

sms ppl: hanlin- lying comfortably under her cosy comforter
                 beve- waahaha
                 sister- *aiyo~~ WAHAHAHA

2.15pm- paper started

2.40pm- did onli 1 question out of 10

3.20pm- a few half-attempt questions

3.40pm- getting frustrated cos too messy

4.15pm- self-declared "time's up"

4.25pm- boarded the bus X4

4.50pm- realised sth wrong with the bus route

boarded bus 154 instead of 74 (2nd blunder)

switched bus to tpy interchange to take mrt to amk

heaven might be setting up obtacles to prevent me from getting hp.

but.

STILL DETERMINED TO GET MY NOKIA 5800


finally. i got it.

now charging...

he's curious.

he seem more interested in it.

came into my room twice to ask if its ready to use.

he's my funny-yet-old-fashion dad.